Happy Holidays from all of us at Skate Warehouse! Around this time of year it’s only natural to be thinking about all the stuff you want and all the stuff other people want. It’s also only natural to be thinking about what you’re going to be eating and drinking and who you’re going to be hanging out with when you’re back home in the worst suburb on earth. The one you grew up in. Still, the most important thing about the holidays is the stuff you buy and everybody knows it.
So when I was trying to think of presents to get my family and friends this year I obviously thought about what I could get at Skate Warehouse. I work here and I get a discount. Plus I’ve got to send the stuff all the way over to Chicago, Illinois and it’s super easy to ship stuff from here. While I was trying to put together my list I realized it might make pretty good blog content, so here it is. My Skate Warehouse family gift ideas for the holidays!
Your Younger Brother. I have a younger brother who still lives at my moms house. Every time I’m home for the holidays I find myself sitting in his dirty, dank bedroom watching him play Call of Duty while we share some Southern Comfort Liqueur Miniature bottles I bought on my ride home from the airport with my dad before he dropped me at my moms, which is a booze free household. Moral of the story is the kid is like, 100 years younger then me and his room is gross. So I’ll be picking him up the Loser Machine Barracks Bag. Perfect for dirty laundry, or just old laundry that could be condensed to a bag instead of a large pile radiating odor. He’ll also be able to use it for travel, like when heading out to Dekalb to hang out at some house party with his NIU friends. Stick his bottle of booze in the middle and mother is none the wiser. Loser Machine is a cool company and bags are bags. This one happens to be a thick, quality canvas. So while he’ll probably just fill it with his dirty undies and forget about it until August when I’m back in town for my nieces birthday, who cares! Out of sight, out of mind, right?
Your Teenage Girl Cousins. I have two cousins who are teenage girls. One is 15 and the other is 18. The eldest has started community college where she’s studying to become a gym teacher or something and the younger one is really into crimping her hair. They’re both cheerleaders. I figured the Loud Party Horn is a safe bet for them. I can get the older one white and the younger one green, which are both really neutral, non competitive colors and simple enough so that if they do like each others colors better they can just trade, which I’ll recommend to them when they open them. The Party Horn is fun, kind of like a cool kid party for your smart phone, and it actually works! I can just see these two in front of their mirrors in their pink yoga pants, lava lamps glowing in the background in front of Miley Cyrus posters from 8 years ago and their Party Horn on the dresser corner nearby playing something to twerk to.
Your Niece or Nephew. This one is easy and perfect for the baby in my life. Toy Machine’s Sect Sock Monster or Turtle Boy are going to my year-old niece. I’m pretty sure my sister in law will hate them and that my brother will have zero opinion on them altogether, but who cares?! They’re squishy and soft and funny looking and they have butts. They’re adorable and are the perfect addition to any toddlers play pen. Especially since it doesn’t even matter. Babies are dumb as shit and don’t even know anything anyway. The best thing really though, about having a niece or nephew is that when you start buying them presents it means you don’t have to buy their parents presents. ‘Cause spending money on my brother and sister in law’s kid FOR them is like the best present they could ask for!
Your Mother. The Poler Nap Sack goes to my mom. The worst part about my mom’s house isn’t even that she doesn’t allow alcohol in it or that you can’t find any reading material that isn’t a quote from the bible she wrote out in cursive on pretty paper and glued to a magnet to stick to the fridge, it’s that she doesn’t turn the heat up past 55 degrees all winter. She does this because she’s “poor”. And because she likes to pretend she’s poor. I mentioned earlier that I’m from just outside of Chicago and it’s gets fucking cold there. She never complains about it being cold but we all know she’s freezing. The Napsack will keep her cozy and she’ll look really cute in it and she’ll still be able to use her Elmers glue and stationary because you can stick your arms out of these things! But now that I think about it, not being allowed to have alcohol inside actually is the worse part about my moms house ’cause if you were drunk then you wouldn’t care how cold you were.
Your Dad. My dad is too old to take shots. It’s true. We all reach that point. But he used to take shots and he used to be the king of taking shots. That’s why I know he’ll still appreciate the Mizu collapsable stainless steel shot glass. He’s a construction worker who likes to rough it in the woods of Wisconsin fishing and bar hopping so everything about this shot glass is right. It’s cool cause it’s stainless steel and that’s like, something men like, and because it collapses, which makes it like, interesting. It’s made for being outside and traveling which he doesn’t really like anymore cause he’s kind of fat and has bad knees and stuff but I think it’ll bring back really good memories and make him really happy. He could always use it for pouring his martini’s too, into his adorable little tumblers with golfers on them.
Your Dad’s Wife. Along those same lines is the Spitfire ice tray going to my dad’s wife. She loves cocktails and doesn’t know anything about skateboarding so she’ll just think these are cute and fun, and my guess is she’ll actually use them! Cocktail drinkers know you can never have too much ice around and ready to go. This lady is also a hoarder, so that makes her super easy to shop for. I hope you have at least one hoarder you’re shopping for this year. You open her pantry and its littered with pointless cocktail accessories. Maybe she’ll just stick these in that pantry, that’s fine. No different then the hundreds of hand lotions she’s sent me over the years that sit in a basket in my pantry.
That wraps up my Skate Warehouse family gift ideas for the holiday. My biggest suggestion for holiday gift ideas for the fam is to not overthink it. The bottom line is your family will like whatever you get them ’cause they love you and that means they have to like it. At the end of the day I sure hope everybody likes what I’m getting them. And if they don’t, fuck’em.